The world around me is numb. People out there are busy
cursing and criticizing others. Here I am standing in the vicinity of river-
observing things here and there, with feelings full of unknown guilt and
pain. A pain that I feel when people
talk about my looks and body. An ache
occurs in my heart when they compare me with a beggar. There are people who
exploit me just for their benefit. People are more concern about looks than
one’s nature. They ditch you and back stab you without thinking about your
feelings. There are people I come across who make me feel special and after a
period of time treat me like I’m nothing to them. The list of my friends is
decreasing because people think the other girl is more attractive. Guys take me
as their sister and then treat me like a douche bag. I do everything I can for
my friends but they forget as soon as days past.
The stage of isolation is not very far. The day is near,
when people will forget about me and my work, and will move on with their shit
without even batting an eye.
People think I am a fat, ugly girl who is there to help them
without any hard feeling. But usually they ignore me, hurt me, abuse me, and
humiliate me. They have made me a girl with sealed wounds, which are hidden,
unseen.
I don’t know why all these feelings are bubbling in me.
Besides, the guilt is killing me from inside. Somehow I’ve begun to feel the
pain of other girls around, suffering a lot more than me. Then who am I to feel
such things? I gain strength by thinking of girls who suffer more, and still
live with remarkable attitude.
I don’t want to seek attention. I certainly don’t want to
create clashes. All I want is for people to know, that there is a girl who is
irritated on the inside, and wants to be wanted. Loved. I remember times when
people went away from me, leaving me seeking a pen and paper. I remember times,
when I wished to disappear suddenly just to check if someone would notice my
presence.
I don’t know what to do with this article – keep it in a box
or blog it on some site, so people realize their mistakes.
